Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Do you believe that Deborah Wasserman Schultz, she looks just as happy as Bernie [Sanders] did. She's now hired by [Hillary] Clinton.

A solution to stop gang banging: SNOW!!

Science fiction is not necessarily either fiction or anything to do with science.

I think life is instinct, and I just really go by that. That's one of the things I've learned - to always trust my instinct and it's always served me well.

If you create great content, huzzah. But if it doesn't move anywhere, you're not succeeding.

And too much informayshun can drive a man mad. Too much informayshun becomes just Noise. And it never, never stops.

I have three children to take care; I have a wife. My job is to take care of them, and I can say it's a pretty cool job to have.

Biography is the most universally pleasant and profitable of all reading.

Wisdom degenerates in governments as governments increase in age.