Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Women Uplifting One Another Through Faith.

What if I told you 10 years from now your life would be exactly the same?Doubt you'd be happy.So, why are you afraid of change?

Enjoy the moment, this is all we have at this moment. This moment is our life.

The nicest thing about being lost is that you get rid of the fear of losing your path!

His screaming stallions maned with whistling wind.

It's human nature to be optimistic. Any fool can enter a market, it takes talent to exit consistently and profitably.

I notice now, whatever character in whatever movie youre watching, they have these toned arms and muscles.

I wanted Ambiades to understand that I considered myself a hierarchy of one.

I told you, everyone understands a quest.

Some of us learn from other people’s mistakes and the rest of us have to be other people.