Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.

The only problem is time.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

Believe it or not, I have about the same success rate as anyone else. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.

The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Adults acting like children and children acting like adults is generally a pretty reliable comic device.

What makes me happy is just keeping my brain challenged and stimulated and on its toes.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

Nobody sets out to offend or shock for the sake of shocking. You set out to get laughs.

I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt.

Funny how being a grown-up didn’t make you any less glad to have a mom on the scene. Whether it was your own or someone else’s mother, it was like having the cavalry arrive.

Just finished [Capitalist in North Korea]—fascinating! What an experience. Wow." —Justin Rohrlich, Emmy Award Winner, Head Writer, Minyanville's World In Review

Disappointments should be cremated not embalmed.

It only took one text message to change my life. That's when I discovered my loving husband had been unfaithful. His infidelities ended our marriage.

Updike's style is an exquisite blend of Melville and Austen: reading him is like cutting through whale blubber with embroidery scissors.

Tell of his wondrous faithfulness, And sound his power abroad; Sing the sweet promise of his grace, And the performing God.

After 10 years of eating vegetarian, I tried my boyfriend's. I was overwhelmed. It was orgasmic.

Acting is my passion and Chelsea FC is my hobby.

Broken crayons still colour the same

Your mind is your invisible talisman. The letters PMA (positive mental attitude) are emblazoned on one side, and NMA (negative mental attitude) on the other. These are powerful forces.