Why are there no "during" pictures?

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Determinants of prices have their effect only through the medium of the subjective estimates of individuals

Success is across the roaring river, the brave shall cross it

Greatness is sifted through the grind, therefore don't despise the hard work now for surely it will be worth it in the end.

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough.

One of the chief tasks of any dialogue with the Gentile world is to prove that the distinction between anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism is not a distinction at all.

My rule is simply "love what you do". That certainly has brought me to the place I where am at right now. It really has been with the work.

God speaks with authority on every subject including marriage and His advice trumps Oprah's every time.

We cannot take a step toward the heavens. God crosses the universe and comes to us.

I'm not afraid of failing. I don't like to fail. I hate to fail. But I'm not afraid of it.

In its pure form, fascism is the sum total of all irrational reactions of the average human character.