Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

June suns, you cannot store themTo warm the winter's cold, The lad that hopes for heavenShall fill his mouth with mould.

After luncheon the sun, conscious that it was Saturday, would blaze an hour longer in the zenith, ...

The colour of the sea and the skyAre both blue and yet distinctOne depends on the other And, the other is by love inked…

People only tell you to not to judge them when they know they're doing something that deserves judgement.

The pursuit of truth does not permit violence on one's opponent.

It is the photographer, not the camera, that is the instrument.

You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply. I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie.

The soul started at the knee-cap and ended at the navel.

The very first discovery of beauty strikes the mind with an inward joy, and spreads a cheerfulness and delight through all its faculties.

Mathematics as an expression of the human mind reflects the active will, the contemplative reason, and the desire for aesthetic perfection.