Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Don't ever run away from your problems. Chase after them like a crazy person till they're too afraid to come near you again.

Fear has silenced the voice of truth in your world, and this is the anguish with which you struggle.

When you're not sure your anger is justified, the thing to do is ask yourself exactly where it's coming from.

What you are will show, ultimately. Start now, every day, becoming, in your actions, your regular actions, what you would like to become in the bigger scheme of things.

There is a great deal of human nature in man.

The handgun would not be my choice of weapon if I knew I was going to a fight. ...I'd choose a rifle, a shotgun, an RPG or an atomic bomb instead.

I have to force myself even to move my eyeballs. It's so easy just to stare.

If you would be chaste, you must be temperate.

You can write about anything for children as long as you've got humour.

I'll no longer say that I have supernatural powers. I am an entertainer. I want to do a good show. My entire character has changed.