Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

You can't change your life. What you can change is YOUR APPROACH.

…nostalgia is, by definition, the least authentic of all feelings.

Wasn't making any great connection Wasn't falling for any intricate scheme Nothing that would pass inspection Just thinking of a series of dreams

I'll be right here in my spot wit a lil more cash than I already got trippin off you cause you had your shot

I've always been brought up to stand on my own two feet and not rely too heavily on everyone else around me.

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Gentleness succeeds better than violence.

I got nasty habits; I take tea at three.

All great things are done for their own sake.