Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Maybe he wouldn't say anything, which is the worst thing men do.

God is in the healing, not the pain.

At a certain point I'm going to want to have a family.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

The Law can only chase a man to Calvary, no further.

I don't care about my image.

It is ever true that he who does nothing for others, does nothing for himself." ~ Goethe

She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh.

It's kind of fun to be sexy.

Good loving is hard to find, you got lucky babe, when I found you.