Why did the Apostrophe Protection Society not have a militant wing? Could I start one? Where do you get balaclavas?

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it.

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning.

Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop.

There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken.

Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don't care. We are all sneaks now.

Texting is a supremely secretive medium of communication - it's like passing a note - and this means we should be very careful what we use it for.

I'm either going to be a writer or a bum.

If you want to feel the sunshine, change position!

...in that rich earth a richer dust concealed.(I'm flogging a dead horse w/ this one but this is the 1st time I've even seen this quotes feature! I just wanted to post something.)

I'm not regimented. I don't diet, and I exercise the way I want to.

No one is truly poor but except the one who lacks the truth.

pg 9, "The consciousness of life's unconsciousness is the oldest tax levied on the intelligence.

some mornings... I sit at the kitchen table shaking salt into the hairs on my arm, and a feeling shoves up in me: it's finished. Everything went past without me.

Comedy is ridiculously hard. And if the rhythm is not right, if the music or the line is not right, it's not funny.

People know what I'm doing.

Make sure you have someone in your life from whom you can get reflective feedback.