Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

This is the gist of what I know: Give advice and buy a foe.

To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.

There has never been a man mean and at the same time virtuous.

A woman needn't be dragged down by her functions.

You learn by trying and failing. Just a lot of hard work and mistakes.

If you look around the room, and you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

To hear complaints is wearisome alike to the wretched and the happy.

When you're a teenager, your friends are your life. When you grow up, friendships seem to get pushed further and further back, until it seems like a luxury, a frivolity, like a bubble bath.

Sometimes, I feel the reason I have become a star beyond my films is that I am politically incorrect.

For every one look at your sins, take five looks at your Savior.