Why do I wear tennis shoes? That's two questions. Do I wear tennis shoes? The answer to that question is, "Yes." "Why?" That's a question philosophers have been pondering for centuries.

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

Without this great land of ours, we would all drown.

Remember, "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

Today we must all be aware that protocol takes precedence over procedure.

I don't believe Spiro Agnew is a crook. If he was a crook, he'd still be in office.

When your IQ rises to 28, sell.

It's best to make your peace with change, before it makes pieces of you.

Beauty is in the behind of the beholder!

Borrow from your friends, and when they ain't got any more money, make new friends.

Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.

Maybe it’s something which can’t be defined, ” Enso Roshi says. “Maybe it’s a question, to be lived.

I can only be myself, I'm sorry that's hell for you.

Why then should witless man so much misweene That nothing is but that which he hath seene?

Quite frankly, we wouldn't have the problems that we have in America right now if somebody did a better job - if our politicians did a better job standing up for our country.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

Love is the world's river of life

I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.

You always have to be keeping track, especially in this scenario [ The Hateful Eight], of where everybody is. They're pieces on a chess board.