Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

To many, "The Bible is a form of verbal wallpaper, pleasant enough in the background, but he stop thinking about it after you have lived in the house for a few weeks.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

And even Moonstruck - for some reason the audience were just in the mood for a very romantic film, because it's one of the few romantic comedies to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar.

My dad is an egomaniac.

Letters form a by-path of literature, a charming, but occasional, retreat for people of cultivated leisure.

The art of giving is perfected through anonymity.

Music is the only religion that delivers the goods.

Let's keep making inexpensive movies.

I would say my life experience has involved dealing with people very close to me that have died.

Those who say that the study of science makes a man an atheist, must be rather silly people.