Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

What's happening now is what happened before, and often what's going to happen again sometime or other

The fire of kindness can melt the most hateful heart.

When you're alone, it's easier," she said a little wistfully. "You can do what you want. You don't have to go home.

A lot of people... are afraid of pictures which have visible emotions in them. They feel calmer in front of pictures which are placid.

My wife, Katey Sagal, has transformed herself from a sitcom cartoon to a dramatic powerhouse.

The fact that 35 percent of all American giving went to religious organizations in 2010 reflects how closely bound many of us are with our place of worship.

I broke every barrier I could to see things as they are.

Every thought is new when an author expresses it in a manner peculiar to himself.

I can never see fashion models, lean angular cheeks, strutting hips and blooming hair, without thinking of the skulls at the catacombs in Lima, Peru.

Thus hand in hand through life we 'll go; Its checker'd paths of joy and woe With cautious steps we 'll tread.