Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Philosophers wonder when they do not know, artists when they do.

Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.

There's a little Spinal Tap in all of us.

I'm a kid who grew up in an all African-American neighborhood and got into schools and aspired to just be me, and didn't worry about labels or anything. Just wanted to be a success at what I did.

If you're going to die, then die. If you are going to live, then fight.

We all laugh and cough with the same language and will die with the same language as well!

Figure skating is a bit dated - it's like that tweed jacket you pull out of the back of your closet from time to time, and I'm going to try to Chanel it up a little bit.

I am always able to keep a laser focus on one thing at a time without getting distracted. It helps that I try to break everything I do into small, achievable tasks.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.