Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

That is one good thing about this world…there are always sure to be more springs.

More than half described Christians as literalistic, anti-intellectual, judgmental, self-righteous, and bigoted.

No matter who you are, you have a giant self.

The task must be to banish from mankind's thought the idea that anybody has the right to use force against righteousness, against justice, against mutual agreements.

No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.

The intellectual takes as a starting point his self and relates the world to his own sensibilities; the scientist accepts an existing field of knowledge and seeks to map out the unexplored terrain.

Art can't be compared with journalism; it can't deal with concrete issues.

You always have to finish what you start and I learned that some of life's greatest lessons come with disappointment.

I hate holidays because it's the quietest; it's the most deafening sound in my apartment.

Memory is a gulf that a word can move to its lowest depths.