Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

When I don’t take action in spite of doubt and fear, I lose 100%.

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

I guess, like some guy once said, if triangles invented a god, the chances are high it would have three sides.

American liberals today are hesitant to speak out against the denial of rights that is perpetrated in the name of Islam.

Plans must be simple and flexible....They must be made by the people who execute them.

Would love be so different with someone else? Was love even possible with someone else? Love was supposed to be easy, wasn't it? Then why did she feel so tormented?

I directed an episode of 'Party of Five' toward the very end of that show. It was a great experience.

I don't think we've got a discipline problem. It's the players who are thick who are causing the problems

Gold has at all times been considered the best of testimonies of good faith.

When we have found all the mysteries and lost all the meaning, we will be alone, on an empty shore.