Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Happiness is the ultimate purpose of our life and you find it in service.

Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George.""No time for rats? That's just sad.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

I'm not going to be responding to [Donald Trump].

Just as water will conform to the shape of the vessel that contains it, so will a man follow the good and evil of his companions.

'What is the use of a book', thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?'

Where there is hunger there is no hope. There is only desolation and pain. Hunger nurtures violence and fanaticism. A world where people starve will never be safe

It's just weird that indie rock heads and so on are connecting to my music.

Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce.