Why don't you get a haircut you look like a chrysanthemum.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

What kind of fool makes a deal with a man named wolf?

One sure way to kill a dream, is to suffocate it with worry.

As a matter of fact we have to take special precautions during a battle to post police, to prevent more unwounded men than are necessary from accompanying a wounded man back from the firing line.

To learn the worth of a man's religion, do business with him.

I said, we should allow no Syrian refugees into the country, not even women or children.

Yes, life can be rich down here. But never forget, the richest life is still to come.

Life gradually becomes a surrender to situations conditioned by technology.

Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion.

We've been in each other's pockets our entire lives.

Therefore tremble, O man, at any power thou hast, except thou usest it for God. Art thou strong in body; who hath thy strength? God, or thy lusts?