Why don't you show me the little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress?

You are what you love, not who loves you.

sometimes we take action, sometimes we take pills.

Sometimes before it gets betterthe darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet foris behind the trigger.

You are what you love not who loves you"- Fall Out Boy

The ribbon on my wrist says: Do not open before Christmas.

Anything you say can and will be used against you, so only say my name.

These words are all I have so I write them- I need them just to get by.

Say my name and his in the same breath. I dare you to say they taste the same.

I'm just a notch on your bedpost but you're just a line in a song.

When I’m home alone I just dance by myselfAnd you pull my head so close volume goes with the truthSigning off 'I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen'The kid was alright but it went to his head

I was just trying to open the door... but the walls fall down

Republicans have pounced. They're outraged. They say, 'How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?'

You don't carry in your countenance a letter of recommendation.

People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.

Today we live in a cash-for-trash world. Anyone can stand up and say anything unkind, unfair or completely untrue about you, and then they are rewarded financially for it ... because life is unfair.

What is the value of light when it no longer shines

I've had tendinitis since college.

If it's possible to be in a good situation replacing a legend, he's in a good situation.

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.

Religion as a source of consolation is an obstacle to true faith.