Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.

Remember that the successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.

If women ruled the world and we all got massages, there would be no war.

Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope.

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night.

No day is so bad that it can not be fixed by a good nap.

I'd like to have a boyfriend in prison so I'd always know where he is.

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.

Technology... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.

There is hope for the sinner to be made a saint.

If you count your blessings, you will know, they outnumber your troubles.

Happiness comes fleetingly now and then To those who have learned to do without it And to them only.

I always use my clients' products. This is not toady-ism, but elementary good manners.

One thing I am learning from the kitten is that everything he is doing seems to be in preparation for murder.

People of the world will reject your reminders, because it reminds them that this world is temporary.

There have been some nations who could do nothing but construct tombs, and these are the only traces which they have left. They are the heathen.

I never wanted to be the person who said, "I woulda, coulda, shoulda." Life is way too short, and you may not last that long.

Nothing matters but the writing. There has been nothing else worthwhile... a stain upon the silence.

People who are tremendously concerned about their identification, their individuality, their self-expression, or their sense of humor, always seem to be missing the very things they pursue.