Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly.

Where would you be without etymology'? Lea asked sarcastically.'I think I might find words a little less interesting, ' said Mr Ruche.

After a devastating loss, your whole perspective shifts, and you're kind of in a blank space. You feel like on one side nothing matters, and on the other side a freedom because nothing matters.

I probably listen to Burn more than any of them, because it was so new me, so novel. To see my name on an actual record was such an incredible feeling.

My son, Emilio Huerta, is running for congress. He was a young man who was marching and picketing.

So my one kid's 4, my other kid's 4 months, I'm 44, Barack Obama is the 44th president - it's all lining up nicely here.

As an actor, and especially as a young woman, there's so much pressure to look good all the time and it really detracts from what our job really is about, which is portraying a different person.

I've always thought that the role of citizen, the role of advocate, were as important in our democracy as running for office.

You do not write your life with words...You write it with actions. What you think is not important. It is only important what you do.

If you get into business solely to make money, you won’t. If you try to make a real difference, you’ll find success.