Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

It's just hard now because... you're jealous. But your heart is so generous and warm, it will melt the bad feelings away." I am 100 percent positive that my mom is the wisest mother in the world.

That's what's happening... zombies are out... but in hour movie... not in series.

The fallout from slavery is ongoing. I am not sure the issue of race in America will ever be completely solved.

We have to do our jobs better, more tirelessly and stop whining about it.

The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man's success in life.

The object of punishment is, prevention from evil; it never can be made impulsive to good.

I'd love to be a Bond girl. I mean, if you're going to be stereotyped, there are worse things to be stereotyped as.

[The consumer is] the supreme mover of economic order... for whom all goods are made and towards whom all economic activity is directed.

If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

I did not become a father because I am fond of children.