Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I think anything like that-which is contemplative, silent, shows a person alone-people always feel sad. Is it because we've lost the art of being alone?

We want to stay on the straight and narrow path and serve God, yet we continue a practice that often pulls us in the wrong direction.

Those who do not know how to live must make a merit of dying.

When you die, others who think they know you, will concoct things about you... Better pick up a pen and write it yourself, for you know yourself best.

If you dont have an emotional connection to why you are trying to accomplish your goals, the odds are you wont reach them or will quit trying.

When we let God be God and work through us, we experience both a sense of serenity and excitement.

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?

Nature soon takes over if the gardener is absent.

Maximize the power of the beliefs that strengthen you and neutralize those that weaken you.

No created powers can mar our Lord Jesus' music, nor spill our song of joy. Let us then be glad and rejoice in the salvation of our Lord