Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Do you not know how bashful friendship is? Friends - comrades - do not look at each other. Friendship would be ashamed...

We can be competitive and aim to destroy our opponent or competition, but we can still respect our rivals and even be friends.

Goodness is sparked by a caution for the sake of what is good, not a fear of what is bad.

When you think on the powerful truths of Scripture, God uses His Word to change your way of thinking.

Tush! These are trifles and mere old wives' tales.

I love to do very long and complicated scenes.

Life is the saddest thing there is, next to death.

Though cares and sorrows e'er must come, Though heart be rent, I know that God will give me strength, When mine is spent.

The only problem with conjuring people is they insist on getting paid, unlike a writer who would do a reading for nothing.

A hero is someone who simply got too frightened to use his good sense and run away, then somehow lived through it all.