Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Every day, you get the opportunity to change your life. Change what you do not want. Change what makes you unhappy.

I said that I had heard curiosity could be harmful, in particular to cats

Let us be kind and compassionate to all beings. Everyone wants to enjoy their lives, everyone has sufferings, and everyone wants peace and happiness.

Why does everything so bad for you always taste so dreamy?

No matter how many times she was told that she was loved, there was no recognition that the proof was in the abandonment.

The map is not the territory, " Snicket's chaperon advises him. "That's an expression which means the world does not match the picture in our heads.

I've always had an interest in design, and I have always loved creating things.

I'd like to marry you, if you think that would be okay.

The answers aren't important really... What's important is- knowing all the questions.