Why should I waste my good time making a straight dramatic film? The people who can't make you laugh can do that.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

Dear God, I must be dead and in hell since you're here.

I like vintage stuff. I go through a vintage store and find things that I feel like I fit right into them because of all the years that they've been used.

I didn’t know that it was going to launch a quote-unquote comedic career. I just wanted to do anything other than wait tables.

Good writers show rather than tell. Stories are told in action. Life stories are no different.

I dislike landscapes. I only like people, and plastic flowers.

I'd rather stay asleep than have to learn all those frightening secrets.

In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

Change but the name, and you are the subject of the story.

I'm a big non-believer in manual driver and kernel configuration, be it visual or not.

Any conversation I have about innovation starts with the ultimate goal.