Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

love is myself in the mirror.i will see love every time.

Helen's books were her friends, "the kind you invite for dinner in the middle of winter, " she'd told him, " and spend all night talking and never go to bed.

Pray for me and I am blessed today, teach me to pray and I will see you in heaven

With all your science can you tell me how it is, and when it is, that light comes into the soul?

Religion must completely encircle the spirit of ethical man like his element, and this luminous chaos of divine thoughts and feelings is called enthusiasm.

I love mythic stuff. I love playing with gods, I love playing with myths. A lot of it has to do with that they're the basic places stories come from. They're the clay that you make the bricks out of.

I am not, and never have been, a man of the right. My position was on the left and is now in the centre of politics.

Ten thousand years as Intercontinental Champion, Oooooh yeeeah!

All sorts of allowances are made for the illusions of youth, and none, or almost none for the disenchantment of age.

People who bullied me have matured now. Some are good friends.