Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Sweaters need to be imagined, dreamed over.

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.

Being of sound mind I spent every cent I ever had.

If you want to build a boat, do not instruct the men to saw wood, stitch the sails, prepare the tools and organize the work, but make them long for setting sail and travel to distant lands.

The proper study of a wise man is not how to die but how to live.

You cannot show people only the petals and not the thorns. It's not fair to them.

The last function of reason is to recognize that there are an infinity of things which surpass it.

A blank page of paper and a pen is the greatest invention its so exciting to be confronted by possibility.

When people say of their tragedies, 'I don't often think of it now,' what they mean is it has entered permanently into their thoughts, and colors everything.

Every good writer has much idiom; it is the life and spirit of language.