Why would a comediotic guy like Buzz Aldrin worry about who said what first? He was on the %$#@!+-oon!

We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. —Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM

Give little people a little power, and it goes straight to their ugly, little heads. -Foot talks about authority

A little holiday spirit lives forever in everyone. Test your own holiday spirit. Give away all of it you can. You'll see, it comes right back to you.

…have you always been a jackass or is that something you’ve just recently acquired at the ‘I Want to be a Junior Jackass’ store? -Weasel to Army Lieutenant

Time was unending when charmed, captivated, even delighted by the mystical motion of the ocean!

Seasickness in itself is not contagious, but I’m pretty sure that puking is extremely contagious.

If you run, you better be faster than my gun. -Weasel to illegal aliens

I can stomach just about anything… After all, I can deal with politicians… I don’t have any problem not puking on them! —Debra Wright, KNUT Reporter

People come to me for the solution of their problem, if my knowledge and experience is not enough to solve the problem, I go to my library read the relevant book and provide the solution.

[W]hen all else fails, kill it with fire.

True artists scorn nothing.

Politicians who lack the vision to lead the community on big issues like public transport often hide their inaction by blaming other levels of government when anyone complains.

I will play my part by singing the spirit into every open heart.

I don't use the word 'pressure.' I use the word 'expectation.' I have very high expectations of myself. It starts with me.

As for literature It gives no man a sinecure. And no one knows, at sight, a masterpiece. And give up verse, my boy, There's nothing in it.

There are films that are difficult. There are films that would actually affect your personal life because of the length of the production, how long [you're away] from the family.

You may use different sorts of sentences and illustrations before different sorts of audiences, but you don't -- if you are wise -- talk down to any audience.

She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh.