Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It is life that hurts you not death.

Who dare tries is a success, and shall master the art of conquering dreams.

There will be a billion people out there, who will say you can't do it, Just make sure that you are not in that billion people.

If you're too busy being angry at the world, don't be surprised when the world returns serve.

The opposite of good is not evil, the opposite of good is indifference.

Am I becoming the kind of person I would like to have as a friend?

Success is a consequence and must not be a goal. I've never sought it (though I desire it) and seek it less and less.

In China, when you get to the airport everyone be talking in American slang.

Through all permutations and youthful poetry, I came to believe that the film actor was the great "literateur" of his time.

Very early on I was interested in doing political art, but it was not feminist political art.