Will you stop drinking whiskey? Let me plead with you to do so. And if the sisters would not think it oppressive, I would ask them to not drink quite so much strong tea.

You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.

Your endowment is, to receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord, which are necessary for you, after you have departed this life, to enable you to walk back to the presence of the Father.

If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from.

I have no wife whom I love so well that I would not put a javelin through her heart, and I would do it with clean hands.

He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.

He that confesseth not that Jesus has come in the flesh and sent Joseph Smith with the fullness of the Gospel to this generation, is not of God, but is anti-christ

The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy

The best remedy for anger is delay.

Pray as if all depended on God and work as if all depended upon you.

We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing to see our children do.

Peeing is like a good book in that it is very, very hard to stop once you start.

To hear how much of a great human being you were — even if you really weren’t — open your ears at your funeral.

But I don't think I have any particular talent for prediction, because when you have three or four elements in hand, you don't have to be a genius to reach certain conclusions.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

The monster has escaped Elba!" "The tyrant has landed at Cannes!" "Bonaparte meets the troops." "Napoleon approaches Paris." "His Imperial Majesty has entered the capital.

It's very hard to be objective about something you're in, especially when you set it up against things that you experienced as a child.

My spirits infallibly rise in proportion to the outward dreariness. Give me the ocean, the desert, or the wilderness!

Even if Iraq IS a civil war, people have won civil wars.

Every good teaching may still end up producing evil bandits who have no principles whatsoever, an outcome even more likely when the teacher is also a bandit.

The more perfect the artist, the more completely separate in him will be the man who suffers and the mind which creates.