Windows 95 is what Rube Goldberg would have designed if he'd studied cartooning at M.I.T.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The people who are always hankering loudest for some golden yesteryear usually drive new cars.

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

Stories never really end...even if the books like to pretend they do. Stories always go on. They don't end on the last page, any more than they begin on the first page.

There is a warin your nameI have martyred yousold you to freedomoh, Freedom

Dieting is becoming easier and easier for me because I'm finding out things that I love.

To pray only when in peril is to use safety belts only in heavy traffic.

Every good army needs a couple of criminals.

It doesn't matter. I'm not asking forever of you...just let me love you now.

I hope the fans will take up meditation instead of drugs.

I think it's important that all 50 years of rock 'n' roll live in the same place, because it's all connected.

You know what, I just write what I feel.

Individuality is founded in feeling