Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

He slides into second with a stand-up double.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.

Poets aren't very useful because they aren't consumeful or very produceful.

If you can socialize from the privacy of your desk at night in a dark room, you can be a smoother, cooler, funnier, sexy, more everything person than you actually are in real life.

If you do something extraordinary for your customer you will never be forgotten. Customer service heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

We may cover a multitude of sins with the white robe of charity.

High school studfents are the largest oppressed minority in America.

I would do anything to keep looking the job. I think you make an extra effort if you're on show.

Nonviolence in politics is a new weapon in the process of evolution; its vast possibilities are yet unexplored.

I feel like I’m eighty years old. I’m tired of life and my mind wants to die.

It really is a nice theory. The only defect I think it has is probably common to all philosophical theories. It's wrong.

Once you know what to expect, it gets easier and easier. And now I know what I have to do to prepare for each season and what to expect through each season.