Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

It’s like saying you’re fixed in the past, and you’re running out of time. Every moment is only the beginning of something new

A million dollars? For a cow?

The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply.

Whenever possible, the left and the Democrats have de-stigmatized irresponsible behavior.

Over a half-century has passed since the hell of the Holocaust, but its spectre still hangs over the world and doesn't allow us to forget.

To get some of the substance of why [Michael] Flynn [is Defense Adviser] is so controversial.

I've always been the type of person - you know, I kind of am extreme. So you know, I'm not, like, oh, let me get one tattoo. It's, like, my old whole arm has to be covered.

Tain't worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes.

Unity, agreement, is always silent or soft-voiced; it is only discord that loudly proclaims itself.

God will bless you,' said he, 'you are an angel since you take care of the flowers.' 'No,' she replied. 'I am the devil, but that's all the same to me.