Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The King had advertised the old magic tea set, but for some reason, no one wanted sugar teeth that could gouge their eyes out.

A true hero make people feel like he is part of their family.

We stay this way until twilight colours the window and the hour calls me home

I think this goes more to the idea of 'relentless irony' than 'divine providence.

Memory is the thing you forget with.

Where principles and heart stand in conflict with each other, let us make the law of the spirit free from the law of principles.

I’ve spent something like 17 years working on a theory for which there is essentially no direct experimental support.

Nothing costs so little, goes so far, and accomplishes so much as a single act of merciful service.

When all else fails, cleaning house is the perfect antidote to most of life's ills.

The legal bias for special protection for women has begun to wreak havoc with the Constitution's guarantee of equal protection.