With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

As humans, we unconsciously embrace the group’s beliefs and behaviors without questioning them or surrender to their opinions.

Follow your heart

That's what a poem is. Words which have a hidden meaning. A poem is like a secret.

Hell was invented to scare to death the unruly human mind and bring it to obedience.

I have been very fortunate in that I'm not doing all network shows or all cable shows, television has really become a year-round process in the way that it's made.

Running for office is the least aerobic of the socially interactive sports.

Angling may be saidtobe so likemathematics, that itcan never be fully learnt.

I joke sometimes that I live a protracted adolescence, that a part of me will always be twelve years old.

I love everything about fashion. I even love the fittings and watching it evolve from a pattern to a muslin to the final product.

Remember who you are and whose you are.