With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

It is worse to stay where one does not belong at all than to wander about lost for a while and looking for the psychic and soulful kinship one requires

There is no try. There is only do.

Beauty has a persuasive power all its own.

You risk just as much in being credulous as in being suspicious.

The best defence against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.

If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.

The world of chemical reactions is like a stage, on which scene after scene is ceaselessly played. The actors on it are the elements.

Crude classifications and false generalizations are the curse of the organized life.

The reality is Hicks is facing an unfair justice system that is not tolerated anywhere else in the world, so where does that leave him

Cultivate solitude and quiet and a few sincere friends, rather than mob merriment, noise and thousands of nodding acquaintances.