With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

The profoundest of all sensualitiesis the sense of truthand the next deepest sensual experienceis the sense of justice.

People just can’t cope with happiness.

If I wasn't me, you wouldn't be you.

Picard only saw the movie, which had the entire Tales of the Black Starship subplot removed for time.

This life is a deafening roar but listen. You could hear a pin drop.

Every creative act draws on the past whether it pretends to or not. It draws on what it knows. There's no such thing, really, as a creative act in a vacuum.

We know hackers steal people's identities and infiltrate private e-mails. We know foreign countries and companies swipe our corporate secrets.

Why does anyone do the things they do?

Now's the time to be alive - to see it all happen, to be a part of it. That makes the blood race, and each breath is an adventure.

An antisemite used to be someone who hates Jews; nowadays an antisemite is someone Jews hate.