With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Remember you come here having already understood the necessity of struggling with yourself — only with yourself. Therefore thank everyone who gives you the opportunity.

There is no good or evil, there is only power and those too weak to weak it.

One of the most important concepts of revealed religion is that of a sacred covenant.

Beware of no man more than of yourself; we carry our worst enemies within us.

Never try to look into both eyes at the same time. Switch your gaze from one eye to the other. That signals warmth and sincerity.

People will sometimes say, "Why don't you write more politics?" And I have to explain to them that writing the lives of women IS politics.

An occupying power has no right to make significant alterations in the character of the occupied society, to change the laws all around, without a strong security reason and so forth.

Peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble, noise, or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart

The [guitar is the] instrument most complete and richest in its harmonic and polyphonic possibilities.

Man is the only creature we know, that, when the term of his natural life is ended, leaves the memory of himself behind him.