Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Karma how come we give the truth but the lies we receive?

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.

Log Log Log (x) goes off to infinity with x, but has never been observed to do so.

You can't throw money at the Internet to make it work - it really is all about the quality of the content.

Consider the sea's listless chime: Time's self it is, made audible.

I'm going to help the African-Americans. I'm going to help the Latinos, Hispanics. I am going to help the inner cities.

In what will survive me I am in harmony with my annihilation.

What is the cost of not daring? What is the cost of not trying?

For a heart to be perfectly ready it has to be perfectly empty. In this condition it has attained its maximum capacity.

Personally I find the democratic chaos of the Internet fascinating, and for the most part really benign.