Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem we men can never hope to solve.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

You have a very open relationship with your fans.""Yes. We have an open relationship. Obviously they can see other authors if they want, and I can see other readers.

Peace is not the absence of chaos. It is the presence of tranquility and joy in the midst of chaos.

At the bottom of the human well, there should always be a candle of compassion.

The control of information makes history.

I have tried to be very rational, although I know love and hate are not rational and explained feelings.

I need to feel like I'm part of something. I need to feel part of the world when I go to sleep.

There's a reason the Third World came in third.

You may have had unfair things happen to you, but the depth of your pain is an indication of the height of your future.

I remember in the old days, when we were promoting a show, we'd be out taping flyers to high-school lockers. Now you just announce the show online, and it's a full house.

My workout is my meditation.