Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

History is too much about wars

Don't worry, my son, if you don't believe in Maribor and the blessings He provides. Belief in Him isn't a requirement. It doesn't stop Him from believing in you. (capital H's added for reverence)

Somebody stop the world. I'm scared and I want to get off.

Little did the old man know how much God liked to talk to His children, how He longed to listen to them.

It would be infinitely more prudent to be a single “David” standing with God, than a million “Goliath’s” standing without Him.

My benefactor used to say the seeds are the 'sober head' -- the only part that could fortify the heart of man.

Virtue in distress, and vice in triumph make atheists of mankind.

Cowspiracy may be the most important film made to inspire saving the planet.

Give me enough medals and I’ll win you any war

Grammar is not a set of arbitrary rules; it is a compact between people who wish to understand each other.