Women don't have to be jealous of other women.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

There is more treasure in people than in all the gold and mineral mines of the world.

Mostly though, they waited. For the mail. For the news. For the bells. For breakfast and lunch and dinner. For one day to be over and the next day to begin.

My ego is my employee – and I, the witness, am its employer.

All unbelievers in Jesus Christ is a House Divided Against Itself

The purpose of punishment is to improve those who do the punishing--that is the final recourse of those who support punishment.

They see Hermione as someone who is not vulnerable, but I see her as someone who does have quite a lot of vulnerability in her personality.

Beware of begging God for things you don't have to have.

They were ... pure and unadulterated photographs, and sometimes they hinted at the existence of visual truths that had escaped all other systems of detection.

Life is a breathing-space between two eternities, a holiday with appalling realities behind and before.

If you don't like what someone has to say, argue with them.