Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

I love everybody. One of the great things about me is that I have a very positive attitude.

Why must one love rarely to love well?

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

The state lies in all languages of good and evil; and whatever it says, it lies-and whatever it has, it has stolen.

I'm comfortable in my own skin. I know I'm not going to ever be Cindy Crawford or Elle MacPherson.

It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.

While the Beatles always had George Martin around to clean up their act, the Rolling Stones had Andrew Loog Oldham to coarsen theirs.

Everybody has some information. The function of the markets is to aggregate that information, evaluate it and get it incorporated into prices.

Women cannot serve two masters at once who are urgently beaming antithetical orders.... Either we believe in patriarchy the rule of men over women - or we believe in equality.

You have to invest in yourself and your surroundings.