Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.

As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

How tragic it is to find that an entire lifetime is wasted in pursuit of distractions while purpose is neglected.

Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?

Memory in youth is active and easily impressible; in old age it is comparatively callous to new impressions, but still retains vividly those of earlier years.

I do take the threat of terrorism seriously. You cannot eliminate that threat or diminish that threat by bombing a country.

We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.

Never take advice from someone wearing a tie.

In the world there are believers and then there are non-believers. For all of you non-believers out there, I have something to say to you...never underestimate the heart of a champion.

The people of Floridas 2nd Congressional District said, Steve, go up there and fight to change the culture in Washington. Ive taken their instructions very seriously.

Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science, as strangled snakes beside that of Hercules

Beauty has never been absolute and immutable but has taken on different aspects depending on the historical period and the country