Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?" -Amy Cahill

Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.

When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.

The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.

If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened.

Ask me. I'm a cow expert.

In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.

The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist.

What did Romeo and Juliet do?” They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-

Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker." -Dan Cahill

I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet

Time is not tinder for any flame. It will not gather a spark

Being in a relationship doesn’t entitle you to anything. You don’t get what you expect, you get what you create.

If you lose God's paradise in Heaven, then you never existed.

Reason and free inquiry are the only effectual agents against error.

[Once plans for each eventuality are resolved, further] Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength.

Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things.

The liberal agenda is the blueprint for national ruin.

That was what she really wanted. To forget so thoroughly she'd never have another memory again, the bitter so bitter you gave up the sweet.

Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.

Develop a respect and reverence for the principle of variation: the idea that the message ain't in the mean, the mode or the median - it's in the differences that occur throughout a population.