Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.

If a 6 foot tall talking Badger comes to your door with a great deal on health insurance, be certain to ask if it includes in-patient psychiatric care.

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Somewhere in this small world, you can find a place where everyone appreciates you more than you think you deserve.

I’m fulfilling my calling when I raise my voice for the truth

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

The death then of a beautiful woman is unquestionably the most poetical topic in the world, and equally is it beyond doubt that the lips best suited for such topic are those of a bereaved lover.

Good nature is often a mere matter of health.

I believe in raising the minimum wage and equal pay for work.

No man speaketh, or should speak, of his prince, that which he hath not weighed whether it will consist with that veneration which should be preserved inviolate to him.

I feel an unfamiliar but pleasant sensation in my lips, tugging them upward. This is... new.

I was a Chicago Bulls, Michael Jordan fan growing up.

Swallow the stars until you are one with the universe, with all-pervading universal life.