Working with Woody Allen is like filming Howard Hughes's will. It's a very mysterious and strange event. You never get a peek at the whole will.

A Madagascar Hissing Roach chasing Jerry Lewis. That would be a really neat treat.

Once you put yourself in the hands of the government, you could end up in Utah.

Life is one big minefield, and the only place that isn't a minefield is the place they make the mines.

Living well and ripping your enemy's still-beating heart out with your bare hands is the best revenge.

You only live once and, usually, not even then.

I don’t think television will ever be perfected until the viewer can press a button and cause whoever is on the screen’s head to explode.

Making people laugh is the lowest form of comedy.

Licorice is the liver of candy.

If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from

The transformation scene, where man is becoming insect and insect has become at least man and beyond that - a flying, godlike, shimmering, diaphanous, beautiful creature.

Nothing causes more people to deny God, misunderstand God, mistreat others, or abuse Nature more than the illusion of separateness. Nothing. No thing.

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward.

Because it's there.

Social standing does not necessarily translate to social acceptance.

[Animals] appreciate others' affection, they also have the sort of ability to show their own affection. And then as soon as we're born, child, no religious faith.

I want to be the guy out there on the edge.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

I want the scripts Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't have time for. Joseph Gordon-Levitt isn't available? Call me.

It's probably not going to lead to anything. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. If everyone who thought they might fail didn't even try, where would we be today?

Scars show toughness: that you've been through it, and you're still standing.