Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Mind of a loving heart is the fountain of knowledge.

Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.

She wasn't blotto, she was plotting.

Real 'imaan' is faith in humanity, so those who deny goodness are kafirs.

Sharon Osbourne is such a blast and she's so, so bright.

Know'st thou yesterday, its aim and reason? Work'st thou will today for worthier things? Then calmly wait the morrow's hidden season, And fear thou not, what hap soe'er it brings

It's going to be very difficult. I don't see the president-elect [Donald Trump] as a legitimate president.

But he is tired. He puts the pistol to his head again. He says, “I never asked to be born in the first place.

Nobody sounds good writing about your divorce, let's face it.

To play down mothering as small is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands.