Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Politics is the Art of Controlling Your Enviroment.

So, you can make me come, that doesn't make you Jesus.

At times we convince ourselves, we have something to lose but in fact, who you are and your being remains intact.

To seek after beauty as an end is a wild goose chase a will-o'-the-wisp because it is to misunderstand the very nature of beauty which is the normal condition of a thing being as it should be.

When conservatives talk about opportunity, they mean opportunities for the rich to get richer, for the powerful to get more powerful.

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

A good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing.

Film is a window to the real world but a lie that makes you believe the unbelievable.

The problems in life come when we're sowing one thing and expecting to reap something entirely different.

He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends.